I was at Suntec City yesterday and saw a poster for a "Best Breastfed Baby Contest".
Best breastfed baby?
Riiight.
As though baby contests weren't bad enough, now it's even been narrowed down to specifics? So I'm guessing cuteness is not a factor here. What then?
From what I can remember, breastfeeding provides babies with the nutrients they need, and it helps with their immune system. And supposedly, breastfed babies have higher IQs than formula babies. So I'm guessing the winner of a Best Breastfed Baby contest would have all the nutrition in the world, the best immunity system and the highest IQ.
I imagine this is how the contest would go:
Round 1 - Mr/Miss Bright Eyes
The baby must have a big spark in his/her eyes and it must not be due to a result of welling up. All who qualify move on.
Round 2 - Glow like J.Lo
The baby must have that radiance, that X-factor of a glow, perpetually looking as though he/she just tasted chocolate for the first time. Those without "it" are sent packing.
Quarter Finals - The Next Samson
The baby's hair must not snap easily and should be able to withstand all the elements. If the baby can't use his/her hair to lift up a toy truck, you will be immediately disqualified.
Semi Finals - Ur-ine or Ur-out
Babies must be able to pee in a cup and later, try to identify their own pee. Ability to correctly identify his/her own urine will be a testament of their IQ. Urine samples will then be tested for nutritional levels. Those who don't meet the requirements will get an Auf Wiedersehen.
Final Round - Death by Kitty
The finalists will be placed in a room with a stray kitten for 5 minutes. Proof of high level of immunity is determined by whether the baby comes out alive and unscathed, or bruised and diseased.
Baby with the highest overall score wins!
And that my friends, is a lawsuit waiting to happen.
I'm feeling: Baffled
I'm listening to: Selling The Drama - Live
I'm listening to: Selling The Drama - Live
